The Art of Everyday Assertiveness

too much certainty leads to boredom. This is where a need for (2) variety comes in: this is the need for diversity, challenge, change, surprise, uncertainty, and adventure.

(1) Certainty is the need for consistency, stability, security, safety, order, comfort, and control. It is a basic need that focuses on survival and the ability to build a structure and a routine in safe conditions.

It’s important to understand the needs that you have to meet, as they are what you’ve been missing out on by not being assertive. This is what you’re giving up in life—the costs—by always letting things slide and not speaking up for yourself

Assertiveness allows you to let people know where you stand, but in a way that doesn’t change your relationship, and doesn’t attach negativity to the situation. If those things do happen, it won’t be because of your actions or words.

Becoming an assertive person who knows how to stand up for themselves takes far more than a few simple phrases in the guise of communication skills. It requires a deep look into the relationship you have with others, and more importantly, the relationship you have with yourself.

I’m a recovering people-pleaser, passive person, and overall doormat. I realize now that I acted in this manner for a few reasons. First, I didn’t know that it was okay to say no to people. Second,

I’m a recovering people-pleaser, passive person, and overall doormat. I realize now that I acted in this manner for a few reasons. First, I didn’t know that it was okay to say no to people. Second,

I’m a recovering people-pleaser, passive person, and overall doormat. I realize now that I acted in this manner for a few reasons. First, I didn’t know th

It’s not necessarily freedom from others or from the obligations in my life, but assertiveness is the freedom to choose what I want to do and not be beholden to people, places, and things.

When we give “symbolic value” to action, or lack of action, we not only risk our own disappointment, but we also set up our partner to fail.