try to comfort you and say, “Are you suffering?” When someone asks you this, you might have the tendency to respond, “Suffer? Why should I be suffering?” You know that’s not the truth. You suffer deeply, yet you pretend you don’t suffer. You’re being untruthful as a way of punishing the other person. If he or she tries to come close and put a hand on your shoulder, you may want to snap, “Leave me alone. I can survive very well without you.” Many of us commit that kind of mistake. But we can learn.
Practicing the mantra, you do the opposite. You have to recognize that you suffer. The mantra can also be a little longer, if that feels more appropriate to the situation: “I suffer. I want you to know it. I don’t understand why you did or said what you did. So please explain. I need your help.” That is true love. To say, “I don’t suffer; I don’t need your help” is not the language of true love.