Queenslayer

Reichis swallowed and then chittered, “Biscuit.”

The sight of the squirrel cat, his face sticking out of the hot water with its mouth open, teeth revealed, made the boy look ill. “Sir, does it want me to…?”

I nodded. “Just get him another biscuit and then you can be on your way.”

The servant picked up another one of the crumbly delicacies from the nearby table and held it up to me as if for inspection. I nodded. “Just pop it in his mouth.”

The boy held one tiny edge of the biscuit between his fingers and stayed as far back as possible while reaching towards Reichis’s mouth. The squirrel cat clacked his teeth together several times, nearly sending the servant falling backwards.

The squirrel cat snorted. “You? Kellen, I love you like a, well, like a business partner. But you ain’t been on a hero’s path for years now.”

When you get like this you reek of angst and self-hatred.”

“What do I smell like the rest of the time?”

“I’ll let you know if it ever happens.”

You know something, sister? I know our people don’t believe in hell… but go to hell anyway.”

“Not you,” the queen said.

Yeah, I was definitely screwed.

“Why don’t you use your—” he tapped a paw against the twisting markings around his left eye—“enig…um…eniggy…enigmarismitipitopystupidism?”

Mister Kellen? And if so, has anyone taken the time to inform you of just how annoying it is?”

Reichis started chortling so hard he fell back on his rump.

“Is he all right? He seems to be having some kind of seizure,” Tasia asked.

“He’s fine. Probably just has worms again.”

It’s a little late to grow a conscience. Or an erection.”

“Have I angered it?” she asked.

“‘Him’, not ‘it’. And no—he just growls when he’s boasting.”

“And you talk to this… squirrel cat, do you?”

I nodded.

“And does he talk back?”

I snorted. “All he does is talk back.”