Growing Yourself Up

The focus on worrying about the next generation leaves both parents and policymakers increasingly confused about their own principles for reasonable and ethical behaviour

people make the best progress when they access their own answers to their dilemmas

The growing-up experience of being honest about wrongdoing allows us to forgive those who are sorry about harm done to us. We accept the imperfection in all our fellow humans and are therefore better prepared to let go of bitterness about the effects of others’ misconduct towards us.

s important to be clear that any psychological understanding of behaviour doesn’t reduce personal and social responsibility.

There are two maturity pitfalls that come from borrowing beliefs from the groups we want to be part of: dogmatism and avoidance.

over-idealised bond with a child can conversely take the form of too much smothering, where the child is slowed from developing as a separate person.

you’re going to assist your child to grow their resilience, the first step will be to increase your own resilience in tolerating your child’s upset without feeling compelled to rush in and smooth over everything for them. The grown-up parent, who really wants to be a loving resource to their child, is prepared to work on themselves and not make a project out of their child.

There is less space for children to think and solve problems for themselves, as both parents and schools manage their schedules for them

be comfortable in one’s own imperfect skin with another imperfect but deeply known mate.

growing up requires tolerating discomfort without needing a relationship to take the tension away.