Becoming Bulletproof

he best way to ask open-ended questions is by using the acronym TED. This stands for:
Tell: “Tell me how your day was.”
“Tell me more of your thoughts on this partnership.”
Explain: “Explain what happened.”
“Explain to me what is important to you and your company.”
Describe: “Describe your meeting with your boss.”
“Describe your concerns with the situation.”

Don’t let being nice get in the way of being smart. Start paying attention to that force inside you. Allow your instincts to lead you in life. You can start small to begin honing this ability. Pay attention to your feelings and sentiments around people.

The point is to draw your attention away from your problem and onto something else that draws you into the present moment.

“When you’re angry, count to ten.” I say count to twenty-four hours. I actually have a twenty-four-hour rule that I follow when I receive an email, call, or text that I don’t like. Because my default typically is to tell someone to go fuck themselves (hello, F3 response), I’ve learned that it’s better if I step away, knowing that response won’t help me in the long game, nor will it make me look good.

Take whatever dilemma you’re facing and project it onto someone else. Perhaps a friend or a family member. Now, look at the issue as if they’re coming to you with it. What would you tell them? What guidance would you give?

Distance limits our ability to act irrationally or impulsively, which can often worsen the situation. Sometimes a simple drive to the beach or the park can suffice. Other times it may require an impromptu vacation to get some perspective and objectivity.

This is about taking ownership of your problem so that you can also take ownership of the solution.

“That’s why you didn’t struggle,” Dr. Drew said. “You found meaning in that tragedy.”

If we can’t find meaning in a meaningless tragedy, there is nothing to get up for.

You need an expiration date to mitigate the length of time you allow yourself to spend on an emotional hardship. It takes about twenty-eight days for a behavior to turn into a habit, so if you dwell in anger or misery or self-pity for too long, you’ll end up making it much more difficult to extricate yourself from those emotions, and you don’t want this to become the blueprint for how you deal with future conflicts.