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Quotes from “Permission to Parent” by Robin Berman

coselken
coselkenhas quoted3 years ago
As soon as you hear “You are a mean mommy,” try to name your child’s feeling and mirror it back more constructively. “I understand that you are disappointed to have to leave the party, but calling me names is not OK.” When you hear “I hate my brother,” you can say, “I can tell you’re really upset that he took your toy.” Address the authentic primary feeling of hurt, not the secondary anger. Redirect the language into more compassionate communication.
coselken
coselkenhas quoted3 years ago
• She calmed her own emotions down—we have to be the lesson before we can teach the lesson.
• She modeled a gentle tone.
• She set out clear rules for how to talk to each other.
• She gave the boys an opportunity to learn conflict resolution by empowering them to work it out themselves. They became more invested in the outcome and active participants in the problem solving.
coselken
coselkenhas quoted3 years ago
Step 1: Take a moment to calm yourself first.
Step 2: Acknowledge the feeling. “I know that you are disappointed.”
Step 3: Set the limit. “It is not OK to act like this.”
Step 4: Give an opportunity to self-regulate. “You can pick one of these two desserts.”
Step 5: State a firm consequence. “If you can’t control your behavior, we are going to leave the party.”
Step 6: Follow through. Shock the parent police and actually leave. Thunderous applause will erupt.
coselken
coselkenhas quoted3 years ago
g. Take comfort in knowing that Authoritative Parenting—defined as listening to your child, encouraging independence, and giving fair and consistent consequences—yields very well-adjusted children. Spoiling a child is easier in the moment than setting limits, but it is your job to help regulate and contain your children’s emotions
Brandolyn Chappell
Brandolyn Chappellhas quoted3 years ago
The classic example is parents screaming at their kids to calm down. We can either model calmness or we will match their agitation tantrum for tantrum. So breathe, and think, before you speak.
Brandolyn Chappell
Brandolyn Chappellhas quoted3 years ago
The way you talk to your kids is the way that they will talk to themselves. You are the voice in your child’s head.
Brandolyn Chappell
Brandolyn Chappellhas quoted3 years ago
Not following through with kids is like not finishing an antibiotic. One grows resistant bacteria, the other resistant kids.
Brandolyn Chappell
Brandolyn Chappellhas quoted3 years ago
When children are hurt, they need to know they have a safe parent to go to for comfort. The basics of love and comfort allow a child to depend on you. It is only through that dependence that they learn the skills to be independent.
Brandolyn Chappell
Brandolyn Chappellhas quoted3 years ago
if parents are more compassionate, instead of dismissing their children’s feelings, kids would pass through these phases sooner.
Brandolyn Chappell
Brandolyn Chappellhas quoted3 years ago
“A good parent understands the mystery of their child. They put the puzzle pieces and clues together to see who is in front of them—not who they want, but who is really there.”
Brandolyn Chappell
Brandolyn Chappellhas quoted3 years ago
strong parent-child connection is the most crucial ingredient to self-esteem. How you feel loved as a child has a huge impact on how you see yourself, relate to the world, and give and receive love.
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