By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

What can happen in a few minutes changes you

“God loves you. Life is the most precious gift from God. You will break God’s heart if you throw His gift away.”

My parents are annoying, but they shouldn’t have to spend the rest of their lives wondering—or hoping—I’ll return.

They are my parents, after all. My legacy to them will be peace of mind

Your failures and your faults. They stick with you. They glob into ugly, cancerous growths inside you and make you want to die.

Pain: 2–3. Hurts at first.

Not that much. It hurts worse later, after you find out you failed.

“Suicide is the easy way out.”

If it’s so easy, why am I still here?

The future holds no hope or meaning to me. I know that by killing myself other people will suffer, but why go through this interminable hell? What’s the point of being here if you feel unloved and abandoned by those you used to trust and count on? What’s the point of living if you don’t belong anywhere?

So true.

First of all, he sucks.

Second, leave me alone.

I resume reading.

A year has passed since my last failure. Not attempt. Failure.

I found Through-the-Light by accident. I don’t normally believe in accidents. Divine intervention, maybe. Except I don’t believe in God. I want to. I just can’t. There’s a higher power guiding me, for sure, because it guided me to Through-the-Light.