Heffa Lump is a self-centred seventeen-year-old who needs to grow up and get a life. Fortunately, the Spatula Academy of Fictional Excellence specializes in helping characters from kids' books cross over into adult fiction. Unfortunately, she's distracted from her attempts to leave adolescence behind when she meets Teddy Kelledy – an impossibly gorgeous boy who eats rare meat, is super-strong, and never goes out in daylight. Could he – just maybe – be a vampire? (Hint: totally.) Soon, Heffa finds herself harassed by supernatural forces on all sides: vampire goths peddling the deadly drug 'Emo' all over town, Jacko-worshipping zombies trying to eat her brains, and werewolves lurking in basements reading copies of Wolf Whistle. A fight is coming, and apparently she's involved… Will Heffa be able to narrate herself out of danger? Will Teddy learn that being with a girl doesn't always have to be about biting? And what will happen when the New Moan rises? New Moan is guaranteed to make any fan laugh out loud with its irreverent and clever take on this popular series, which is brilliantly on the nose.