- nurfarzana10012006has quoted2 years ago
He formed his fingers into an L fo - nurfarzana10012006has quoted2 years agoloser over his forehead. “Fail.”
- Hebah Solimanhas quotedlast year
Someone else was at the door, so I went to answer it and found Christian lifting his arms toward me. “Daddy!”
I bent to lift him into the air and spun him around. “I missed you so much, Bubba.”
Bubba had been my nickname for him ever since he was tiny, and it stuck. There was nothing like burying my nose in his hair and smelling him after we’d been apart.
“I missed you, too,” he said in his sweet little voice.
“Thanks for having us.” Giselle smiled, with David standing behind her.
“Of course. I’m so glad you have a little time to hang out before you leave for your trip.”
I clasped hands with David. “Good to see you, man.”
“Good to see you, too. Where can I get a beer?”
“Come right this way.”Multiple Issues
1) Inconsistent Doesn't Sound Right
"I'm so glad you have a little time to
hang out before you leave for your trip."
EDIT:
▪︎ Replace 'trip' with 'airport'
The way it's written leads to the assumption that travel is imminent, later today. 'Airport' matches the specificity of the limited time before their travel. As a result sounds better and is consistent with the description. Travel is vague and open-ended.
2) Unrealistic Tacky
“Good to see you, too. Where can I get
a beer?”
EDIT:
▪︎ Delay or delete beer request
The way it's written he's already asking for a beer at the door. Either delete it entirely because it's unnecessary and adds nothing. Or add to the scene: describe them continuing to speak as they come in and walk through the house. Once inside, the request for a beer can be made.