“I am trying to figure out how to be in this world without wanting it.”
—Billy-Ray Belcourt

rupture, wailing and tears
landing on purple tiles.
My ears know everything
in this house.
I beg my eyes to stop
making an ocean—
water and salt
fill the crater next to me,
as if this bed knows nothing but loss.

Disintegrate or dissociate.
I will deconstruct myself,
and rebuild in her vision