John Townsend

Dr. John Townsend is a leadership consultant, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author. He has written twenty-seven books, selling 10 million copies, including the three million-selling Boundaries series. John is founder of the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and conducts the Townsend Leadership program. He travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking, and working with leadership families. He and his wife, Barbi, have two sons, and live in Newport Beach, California. One of John's favorite hobbies is playing in a band that performs in Southern California lounges and venues.




Иванов Алексейhas quotedlast year
A man telephoned his mother, and she answered the phone very weakly, with hardly any voice at all. Concerned, thinking she was sick, he asked her, “Mother, what’s wrong?”

“I guess my voice doesn’t work very well anymore,” she replied. “No one ever calls me since you children left home.”

No weapon in the arsenal of the controlling person is as strong as the guilt message. People with poor boundaries almost always internalize guilt messages leveled at them; they obey guilt-inducing statements that try to make them feel bad.
Иванов Алексейhas quotedlast year
Blamers will act as though your saying no is killing them, and they will react with a “How could you do this to me?” message. They are likely to cry, pout, or get angry. Remember that blamers have a character problem. If they make it sound as though their misery is because of your not giving something to them, they are blaming and demanding what is yours. This is very different from a humble person asking out of need. Listen to the nature of other people’s complaints; if they are trying to blame you for something they should take responsibility for, confront them.
Иванов Алексейhas quotedlast year
We play the “if onlys” instead of having boundaries. We say to ourselves, unconsciously, If only I would try harder instead of confronting his perfectionistic demands, he will like me. Or If only I would give in to her wishes and not make her angry, she will love me. Giving up boundaries to get love postpones the inevitable: the realization of the truth about the person, the embracing of the sadness of that truth, and the letting go and moving on with life.


Иванов Алексейshared an impressionlast year
💡Learnt A Lot
👍Worth reading

Очень хорошая книга, объясняющая концепт личных границ в различных сферах жизни. Есть две очень крутые главы про жизнь человека без личных границ (курильщика) и человека со здоровыми личными границами. На контрасте очень хорошо прослеживается разница)
В общем если бы я прочитал что-то такое в детстве, то был бы точно другим человеком. В советском майндсете родителей очень часто встречается тема манипулирования детьми через guilt messages. Поэтому рекомендую прочитать главу про жизнь человека без границ всем и если в вас откликнулось, то продолжить читать)
Да, тут ещё автор - верующий, поэтому куча отсылок на библию. Я просто их стал пропускать, в целом не особо напрягало, кроме пары странных чисто христианских убеждений автора.

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    Henry Cloud,John Townsend
    Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition
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