Susan Forward

Toxic In-Laws

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From Susan Forward, Ph.D., the New York Times bestselling author of Toxic Parents and Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, comes a practical and powerful book that will help couples cope with terrible and toxic in-laws.
Toxic in-laws are in-laws who create genuine chaos through various assaults—aggressive or subtle—on you and your marriage. Toxic in-laws come in a wide variety of guises: “The Critics,” who tell you what you're doing wrong; “The Controllers,” who try to run you and your partner's life; “The Engulfers,” who make incessant demands on your time; “The Masters of Chaos,” who drain you and your partner with their problems; and “The Rejecters,” who let you know they don't want you as part of their family.
Susan Forward draws on real-life voices and stories of both women and men struggling to free themselves from the frustrating, hurtful, and infuriating relationships with their toxic in-laws. Dr. Forward offers highly effective communication and behavioral techniques for getting through to partners who won't or can't stand up to their parents. Next, she lays out accessible and practical ways to reclaim your marriage from your in-laws. She shows you what to say, what to do, and what limits to set. If you follow these strategies, you may not turn toxic in-laws into the in-laws of your dreams, but you will find some peace in your relationship with them.
This book is currently unavailable
293 printed pages
Original publication
2010
Publication year
2010
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Quotes

  • Anes Basichas quoted6 years ago
    You pay too great a price in mental and emotional health if you don’t set appropriate limits on hurtful behavior. I don’t advocate that you go to the mat every time a piece of advice is offered. But there’s a big difference between unsolicited advice and demeaning criticism that is a direct attack on you, and it’s important to step back and determine just what’s coming at you. You have the right to actively deal with criticism that hurts or denigrates you, even if your partner continues to rationalize and excuse everything by insisting,
  • Anes Basichas quoted6 years ago
    Altruistic critics will tell you that they have nothing but your best interests at heart. If they challenge your decisions, try to change your way of doing things, or impose their preferences and routines on you, they’ll justify their actions with words like:
    Can’t you see I’m only trying to help?
    Can’t you see how much I love you?
    Can’t you see that I want to make things easier for you?
    Can’t you see that it’s for your own good?
    It’s difficult to “see” any of those things, of course, because in truth, “loving” advice you didn’t ask for and “caring” interference in your affairs inevitably feel like what they are: criticism.
  • Anes Basichas quoted6 years ago
    Here, your in-laws will say things like: “How can you do this to me/us? Why are you trying to hurt me/us like this? Why are you trying to break up this family? How can you say such things after all we’ve done for you?” Or they might not say much and just sigh deeply as the tears stream down their faces. Either way, you must fight being cast as the villain and giving in to your guilt.
    Your Response: I’m sorry this is so upsetting to you, but I’ve been pretty upset for a long time, too. I have no desire to hurt you, but I need to do this for my own well-being. I appreciate the things you’ve done for us, but let’s see if we can get past feeling sorry for ourselves to work out a better relationship.

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