How to Survive Change...You Didn't Ask For, M.J. Ryan
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M.J. Ryan

How to Survive Change...You Didn't Ask For

Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
Focus on where you'll be a year from now
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
That's exactly what we need to do when we're in the action phase of the change cycle. We make a plan, then get into action and see what happens. This helps us stay out of analysis paralysis. You don't need to wait until you have the “perfect” plan. An 80 percent solution is better than no action at all. Think of it as an experiment. You're going to try something and see how it works. Based on your results, you will respond and revise. When we adopt the spirit of improv, the action, evaluation, and respond process goes quickly because we don't spend time in indecision (Should I do it?”); rumination (“Why can't or won't I do it?”); or regret (“Oh, I just blew it.”). We just do and keep on doing, responding to the bounce back we get.
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
The second kind of story turns those three Ps on their head. It reminds us that while the situation is challenging, there are still wonderful aspects to our lives (nonpervasive), that circumstances can change (impermanent), and it's not happening only to you (impersonal).
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
As Martin Seligman points out in his book Learned Optimism, the first is a story with three dangerous Ps: pervasiveness (it's ruined everything in my life), permanence (it will be like this forever), and personal (I am the sole person going through this terrible thing, it's all my fault).
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.

—William A. Ward
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.

—Voltaire
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
You are not just at the mercy of outside forces. Change always creates a death and the possibility of rebirth. Your life has a trajectory that is created from some mysterious combination of outside pressures and internal longings. It's part of our job as Change Masters to not just rotely bend ourselves into whatever shape seems to be called for, but to use the pressure to become more of who we are and to offer more of what we have to give.
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
a transition brought on by an unasked-for change. When this happens, one chapter of our lives has come to a close, and a new one is about to begin. The uncomfortable gap in between, when we may feel malaise or even panic, is the transition. It doesn't usually feel so good, but recognizing what's going on can help alleviate a bit of the discomfort. So can viewing your life as a book with many chapters.
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
it makes meaning of our suffering. We're not just tossed about mindlessly in the sea of change. We learn and grow so it's easier the next time we find ourselves in the water.
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
As the Chinese proverb says, “To be uncertain is to be uncomfortable, but to be certain is ridiculous.”
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
We all have beliefs we hold on to. Under stress, we tend to hold tighter, which is precisely the opposite of what we should be doing. When things around us are changing, rather than clutching our opinions like a security blanket, we need to hold them up to the light and examine them closely and critically. That means having a willingness to admit, even if only to yourself, that you don't have all the answers. Therefore, you invite challenges and seek out contrary opinions: “Tell me where my thinking is wrong here.” “What am I missing?” “What else should we be considering?”
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
in order for inspiration to enter, we need to let go of the ideas we're so in love with in order to make room for something better
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
What about the situation you're in? How can you hedge your bets?
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
greater stability is found when you spread the risk by having more than one option. That's always true, but particularly in times of great turbulence when you don't know what the future is going to bring. It's called hedging your bets.
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
If anything could be right about this change for me, what could it be?
How can I take this situation and turn it to my advantage?
What opportunities has this created that I could take advantage of? (This last is a classic entrepreneurial question because successful businesses can always be created from difficult situations).
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
You are always in a universe of choices. Any moment of your life can go in any direction you choose. . . . Learn to choose.

—Luis Alberto Urrea
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
The second part of the practice is as important as the first because it highlights one of the Cs of resilience—control. When you ask yourself what part you had in this blessing, you are reminded that you have control in making good things happen. That's important to remember.
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
Three Blessings created by Martin Seligman. It has been shown by Seligman on his Reflective Happiness website to increase happiness over 90 percent, even for folks who rated themselves as seriously depressed. What you do is every evening, bring to mind three blessings that you are grateful for. Then note your part in making each blessing happen.
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
Confucius said centuries ago: “Things that are done, it is needless to speak about . . . things that are past, it is needless to blame.”
Andrea
Andreahas quoted5 months ago
one of the main rules of Change Mastery: forget blame, accept what is, and seek the best solution.
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