Jackie Kay

The Adoption Papers

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  • rinkalexanderhas quoted9 years ago
    Chapter 1: The Seed
    I never thought it would be quicker
    than walking down the mainstreet
    I want to stand in front of the mirror
    swollen bellied so swollen bellied
    The time, the exact time
    for that particular seed to be singled out
    I want to lie on my back at night
    I want to pee all the time
    amongst all others
    like choosing a dancing partner
    I crave discomfort like some women
    crave chocolate or earth or liver
    Now these slow weeks on
    I can’t stop going over and over
    I can’t believe I’ve tried for five years
    for something that could take five minutes
    It only took a split second
    not a minute or more.
    I want the pain
    the tearing searing pain
    I want my waters to break
    like Noah’s flood
    I want to push and push
    and scream and scream.
    When I was sure I wrote a short note
    six weeks later – a short letter
    He was sorry; we should have known better
    He couldn’t leave Nigeria.
    I missed him, silly things
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