Even when Lan Wangji was doing his best not to attach a face and a voice and a name to his fantasies, he felt slightly sick at himself for enjoying them. Intimacy was supposed to be about love. Love was supposed to be about giving the other person freedom, not holding them down in any way, literal or figurative. But he’s always been selfish deep down, has fought it harder than anything but never quite managed to drive it away. Something about Wei Ying always brings that selfishness in him out, makes him feel like it’s all right sometimes, and still. And still.
(or: LWJ manages to be both sadistic and masochistic at the same time, and then they have sex in a forest)
