Helen Ruddle,Tony Humphreys

Understanding Teenagers

Rakugan Lestrangehas quoted3 days ago
modelling of independence

• acceptance of (again, not necessarily agreement with) the young adult’s decisions

• definite and clear boundaries around own responsibilities

• definite and clear boundaries around not taking on the young adult’s responsibilities

• willingness to offer support when the young person is struggling.
Rakugan Lestrangehas quoted3 days ago
behaviours that are characteristic of parents who let go include:

• unconditional love

• uninterrupted listening

• interest (as opposed to intrusion) in the young adult’s life

• direct and clear communication

• requests (rather than demands or commands)

• expressions of concern from an ‘I’ place

• respect for (not necessarily agreement with) the young adult’s beliefs, values and opinions
Rakugan Lestrangehas quoted3 days ago
When parents do not have a consciousness of their own insecurities, they may find themselves blaming the young person for being ungrateful, difficult and unreasonable when they attempt to take leave of their parents
Rakugan Lestrangehas quoted3 days ago
One of the primary tasks of parenting is to let go of your son or daughter and for that son or daughter to take their leave of their parents.
Rakugan Lestrangehas quoted3 days ago
Adults (for example, parents, family members, teachers, psychologists, counsellors, psychotherapists, medical doctors, psychiatrists, social workers) can only support young people to come to the same level of maturity that they themselves have achieved.
simjieeehas quoted5 years ago
Young people whose earlier holding worlds have enabled the continuous development of a strong sense of self will take on the challenges, not necessarily with ease, but certainly with determination. Those adolescents who bring lack of confidence and lack of competence from their childhood years will struggle with the demands of becoming independent and may carry these struggles into their older adult years, even into old age.
simjieeehas quoted5 years ago
Maturity means having a sense of your own unique person, becoming self-realised, being emotionally and socially independent, establishing your own beliefs and values, carving out educational and career paths that realise your particular intellectual and creative potential, and establishing financial independence.
Jose Baireshas quoted5 years ago
The term ‘holding world’ refers to the netw
Jose Baireshas quoted5 years ago
and, perhaps, denial. All of these responses mirror the inner insecurities of the adults and, sadly, their defensive responses serve only to escalate the distress being experienced by the young people around them. In this situation, teenagers will rightly feel that adults do not understand them and they are pushed further into seeking comfort and protection from their often equally troubled peers. Of course, what the teenagers cannot yet consciously see is that those parents, teachers and other adults who respond defensively to them need as much, and often more, understanding and help than the teenagers themselves.
Jose Baireshas quoted5 years ago
Adults who are in turmoil themselves cannot recognise the underlying wisdom and tend to respond to adolescents’ troubling responses with blame, exasperation, aggression, over-protection, ridicule
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