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Gayle Forman

Where She Went

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  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    The electricity in the air has changed; it’s like you
    can smell the ions dancing. “I still wake up every single
    morning and for a second I forget that I don’t have my
    family anymore,” she tells me. “And then I remember.
    Do you know what that’s like? Over and over again. It
    would’ve been so much easier . . .” And suddenly her
    calm facade cracks and she begins to cry.
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    Except even at the start, when we were in that can’t-
    6
    get-enough-of-you phase, there was like some invisible
    7
    wall between us. At first I tried to take it down, but it
    8
    took so much effort to even make cracks. And then I
    9
    got tired of trying. Then I justified it. This was just how
    10
    adult relationships were, how love felt once you had a few battle
    11
    scars.
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    When Bryn said that, uttered out loud the thing that
    26
    87
    to my never-ending shame I sometimes felt, I’d fallen
    in love with her a little bit. And I’d thought that was
    enough.
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    But I’m still standing. I’m still breathing. And some-
    21
    how, I’m okay.
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    And the voice grows stronger and stronger, and it’s my
    voice this time and it’s asking a question: How does she
    know?
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    And
    as I battle with invisible waves and imaginary vortexes
    and demons that are all too real and of my own making,
    I actually feel something in my chest open, a feeling so
    190
    intense it’s like my heart’s about to burst. And I just let
    1
    it. I just let it out.
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it’s the easi-
    17
    est thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your
    18
    hand is open. But my hand has been clenched into a fist
    19
    for three years now; it’s frozen shut. All of me is frozen
    20
    shut. And about to shut down completely.
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    I think of all the girls whose backs I couldn’t wait
    to see in retreat. How once their sound and smell and
    voices were gone, I felt my whole body exhale. A lot of
    the time Bryn falls into this category. That’s how my ab-
    sence felt to Mia?
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    blush. “Quitting’s not
    hard. Deciding to quit is hard. Once you make that men-
    tal leap, the rest is easy.”
    “Really? Was that how you quit me?”
    And just like that, without thinking, without saying it
    in my head first, without arguing with myself for days,
    it’s out there.
  • Alvita Rdhas quoted9 years ago
    “You should quit,” she says, touching me gently on
    the shoulder
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