Diddly Squat: ‘Til the Cows Come Home

The seeds are being sown, the soil turned, the farm shop restocked — that's right, it's time for another riotous trip to Diddly Squat Farm with farmer-in-progress Jeremy Clarkson . . .
Welcome back to Clarkson's Farm.
At the end of Jeremy's first year in the tractor's driving seat, Diddly Squat farm rewarded him with a profit of just £144. So, while he's the first to admit that he's still only a 'trainee farmer'*, there is clearly still work to be done.
Because while he's mastered the art of moaning about nearly everything, some of the other attributes required of a successful farmer prove more of a challenge.
Who knew, for instance . . .
That loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship?
That cows were more dangerous than motor-racing?
Or that it would have been easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear power station than to turn an old barn into a farm restaurant?
But if the council planning department and the local red trouser brigade seem determined to frustrate his schemes at every turn, at least he's got Lisa, Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald, his dry-stone-walling Head of Security to see him through.
Life on Clarkson's Farm may not always go according to plan. There may not always be one. But there's not a day goes by when Jeremy can't say 'I've done a thing' and mean it . . .
* generous, in Kaleb's view
PRAISE FOR DIDDLY SQUAT
'Clarkson has done more for farmers in one series than Countryfile achieved in 30 years' James Rebanks, author of A Shepherd's Life
'Clarkson has showcased the passion, humour and personalities of the people who work throughout the year to grow the nation's food . . . and brought an understanding of many of the issues faced by farmers to the British public' National Farmers Union
'A deserving Farming Champion of the Year' Farmers Weekly
'I don't know anything about farming. It's like David Attenborough doing jet-skiing, or Nicholas Witchell saying, “I'm going to be a cage fighter'" Jeremy Clarkson