How to Screw Up Your Relationship

A common trait of people who are involved in happy, fulfilling relationships is the sense that they could be happy on their own, and manage to build lives for themselves without the relationship—but they choose not to, and choose to continue to be in the relationship, because it adds value to their lives. When folks stay in a relationship because that relationship makes their lives better, or because they feel that the relationship makes them better people, then they’re unlikely ever to feel trapped or dissatisfied by the relationship. Even when the relationship has its normal ups and downs, they choose to work through rough spots because they believe that the relationship has positive value.
On the other hand, folks who remain in a relationship because they feel they have no choice and it’s what they are expected to do can easily end up feeling trapped. If it goes on this way for too long, they may come to feel that they don’t deserve anything better. This kind of environment is corrosive to personal happiness and fulfilment, so simply by removing the option of leaving, you can help ensure that your relationships will be less satisfying. Engaging in a relationship as though it were an unpleasant chore, rather than because it’s something that you love and that makes you happy, is an excellent method of personal unhappiness.

If you are skilled at convincing yourself that relationships are scarce and opportunities for love and commitment are rare, this can be a powerful inducement to remain in relationships that are completely unsatisfying, especially if you believe that any relationship no matter how bad is preferable to being alone. That way, you’ll stay no matter how miserable you become, which enhances opportunities for future misery

Sometimes, you’re uncomfortable with an idea because it simply doesn’t jive in any way with what you want your life to look like, and it never will. That’s fine.
However, change is invariably accompanied by a certain amount of discomfort, and learning new skills is also uncomfortable. The novel is always less comfortable than the familiar, all other things
being equal. Taken to its (il)logical conclusion, “don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with”
means “don’t learn, don’t change, and don’t allow the relationship to progress in any new ways”—in short, the perfect recipe for a relationship made out of suck and fail.