The point is, greater boldness leads to greater polarization.
This is yet another argument for behaving in an aggressive manner. This is also why one of my mantras that I tell guys is, “Always err on the side of aggression.”
his is why if you’re ever going to do something that is unusual -- approach a woman in a strange location, try to kiss her in a strange location, invite her out with you after just meeting her, etc. -- it’s important that you communicate that you realize what you’re doing is abnormal.
“You know, I’ve never done this before, and I know we just met, but why don’t you come to the restaurant with me.”
“Excuse me, this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you.”
Courage is built like a muscle. The stair-stepped exercises in the previous section are designed to progressively build your courage. The more courage you build, the more you’ll be capable of bold actions. Bold actions require a lot of vulnerability and destroy neediness.
Psychological research actually shows that people perform better at activities under a certain amount of anxiety. In fact, what matters isn’t the anxiety itself, but the person’s confidence in their own ability to perform whatever action they’re anxious about.
So it’s less about the anxiety and more about how competent you feel you are. The less competent you feel, the more the anxiety will hinder you, the more confident you are in your ability, the more the anxiety will help you.
The next time you approach, when she sees you coming — and trust me, she usually sees you coming — know that she’s already rooting for you. Secretly, she wants you to succeed as much as you do. And for a moment she’s your biggest fan.
And your role as a man is to take action. It’s all on you. It’s always on you. You move things forward.
And this is where the vast majority of guys falter. An action as simple as opening your mouth, moving your feet in the right direction or picking up the phone. They simply don’t do it. The fear and rationalizations mentioned in the previous chapter are too large. It seems too overwhelming. And so nothing gets done.
And ultimately, no matter how much you read, how much study, how much you watch about dating and picking up women, if you’re unable to take action, you will get no where.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”- Ambrose Redmoon, Writer
The problem is that there are some negative side effects. The first being that porn creates very, very unrealistic expectations about sex, about women, and about sexuality. Porn makes money by accentuating and exaggerating sexual ideals. Actual sex with an actual woman often involves awkward moments of figuring out what she likes, what you like, who likes it which way. It also often involves ecstatic moments of emotional intimacy, something porn can never provide.
Here’s the point: you can’t always control what happens to you; but you can always control how you respond to it.
You may have no control over the fact that the last woman you dated had abandonment issues and freaked out when you wanted to take a trip with her and dumped you. But you can control how you process it and how you react to it. You can either react to it as a victim or take control, learn from it and move on.
You may have no control over the blond in a short skirt who seems stuck up and rejected you outright for no good reason. But you control how you react to it. You can either react as a victim (all girls like that are bitches), or you can learn from it and move on.
You may have had no control over the fact that your parents divorced when you were young and your father was emotionally distant. You can react as a victim (people are nasty and selfish) or you can learn from it, take control and move on.
The single best advice I can give you if you wish to improve at anything is to take full responsibility and accountability of your results and your actions.
Everything that happens in your life, whether good or bad, you should try to take some sort of accountability for it. We’re only capable of changing and improving what we have control over and if we refuse to take control over our lives, then we can never expect to improve our lives.
To be more specific, let’s say you decide that all club girls are bitches. There may be legitimate problems you have and legitimate factors you could be improving. You may need to dress better, speak louder, stand up straighter, and be more confident and less invested on the approach. But the second you say, “See, club girls are just bitches,” you remove all responsibility for improvement from yourself. It’s a cop-out and a way of protecting the status quo and your current level of investment.
It’s a way of shirking personal responsibility, and when you shirk personal responsibility, you never improve, you never become more vulnerable, you never become less needy.
And it’s not worth the drawback: relinquishing your personal responsibility to each interaction.
See, the second you decide something like, “German women like tall guys,” or “White girls don’t like Asians,” or “Club girls are all bitches,” or “Law students are easy,” you’re relinquishing your responsibility for the interaction. It’s another defense mechanism; it’s another way for you to say afterwards -- whether you got with her or not -- “See, I knew it! They’re all bitches,” or whatever the stereotype is.
No one can live your life but you.
you don’t have any strong opinions on anything, then you’ll never ruffle anyone’s feathers, never step on anyone’s toes, never polarize and attract, because you’d rather not be disliked than risk being liked. What you’re doing is emotionally shutting yourself off from yourself. And how can you emotionally connect with another person if you can’t emotionally connect with yourself?
Simply having an opinion on everything makes you cooler than half the guys out there.
Also, the more you invest in yourself, the less needy you become around women, the more attractive you become.
You want be a successful person? The best way is to understand successful people.
A life without learning is a life without living.
You want to focus more on the literature. Here are some names to start with: Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, Vladmir Nabokov, John Steinbeck, Charles Dickens, Leo Tolstoy, F. Scott Fitzgerald, William Faulkner, etc. You may be rolling your eyes and thinking, “this is like college all over again.” No, there’s a reason these authors are assigned to half of humanity to read at some point. It’s just that we’re too young and stupid to appreciate them when we read them.
There’s a popular study that says that only 13% of communication comes from the actual words we speak. The rest is body language and tonality.
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