Sir, I'm Not That Kind of Girl

A young, rural California girl, passingly pretty, longs for more out of life than raising chickens. She fancies herself a talent the world has been waiting for. She feels the distinct pull of the Big City, where fame and fortune abound. But how to get there?

Postwar, she finds herself in Suburbia, where only her fourth-grade teacher is willing to cast her in anything, and fame seems elusive…but when she finally makes it to the Big City (which, to her means San Francisco), the constant battles to defend her virtue make her wonder if it's really where she belongs. (Wait. Maybe battling was not the right strategy…).

She makes it to the finals in the Miss San Francisco Contest, but alas, never one to turn down a free meal, she has attended too many luncheons hosted by local businessmen for the contestants and managed to gain a few pounds in the process, which results in making her bathing suit a little snug. Because of the frequent long absences, she has also managed to lose her only full-time job, at Gump's, («Where Good Taste Costs No More.») Right.

The only real glory she enjoys is dancing on the same stage with the Ames Brothers. She develops a crush on Ed Ames, who is very nice, and more important, very tall. As she is 5'9" and mostly doomed to wearing flats on dates, she considers tallness a plus in a man, but unfortunately, he does not ask her out.

This hilarious memoir traces Mary Lynn Archibald's childhood and coming-of-age, from California to Ohio and back again, through the post-war years, and finally to that fabled city by the bay, in her pursuit of show business glory.

Does she make it? Only one way to find out.