The School of Life

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

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Anyone we might marry could, of course, be a little bit wrong for us. We know that perfection is not on the cards. Nevertheless, errors of deep-seated incompatibility in married couples seem to occur with appalling ease and regularity. This entertainingly informative book examines the reasons why — and then suggests a new approach to marriage. The time has come to bury the Romantic intuition-based view of marriage and learn to practice and rehearse marriage as one would ice-skating or violin playing, activities no more deserving of systematic periods of instruction.
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39 printed pages
Original publication
2020

Impressions

    Asmi Kusworoshared an impression9 months ago
    👍Worth reading

    Shasha Setiyadishared an impressionlast year
    👍Worth reading
    💡Learnt A Lot

Quotes

    Shasha Setiyadihas quoted8 months ago
    The Romantic view of marriage stresses that the ‘right’ person means someone who shares our tastes, interests and general attitudes to life. This might be true in the short term. But, over an extended period of time, the relevance of this fades dramatically, because differences inevitably emerge. The person who is truly best suited to us is not the person who shares our tastes, but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently and wisely.
    Shasha Setiyadihas quotedlast year
    We imagine that marriage is a guarantor of the happiness we’re presently enjoying with someone. It will make permanent what might otherwise be fleeting.
    Shasha Setiyadihas quotedlast year
    We recreate in adult relationships some of the feelings we knew in childhood. It was as children that we first came to know and understand what love meant. But unfortunately, the lessons we picked up may not have been straightforward. The love we knew as children may have come entwined with other, less pleasant dynamics: being controlled, feeling humiliated, being abandoned, never communicating – in short: suffering.

    As adults, we may then reject certain healthy candidates whom we encounter, not because they are wrong, but precisely because they are too well-balanced (too mature, too understanding, too reliable), and this rightness feels unfamiliar and alien, almost oppressive

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