The Courage to Love: Surviving and Thriving in Your Relationship, Colm O'Connor
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Colm O'Connor

The Courage to Love: Surviving and Thriving in Your Relationship

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Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
Courage includes tolerating your own inadequacy, accepting your own limitations, inhabiting your helplessness, befriending your limits—and still having confidence in your own self. It takes courage to stop self-rejection. It takes courage to stop thinking that there is more you should be doing, there is more you should have, there is more you need to chase.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
There is something about love that will see you not loving the person but loving the courage in them. You love the courage of your small child—you see this when the very small five-year-old runs onto a very big soccer pitch. You love the courage of your partner, who carries a great burden without complaint. You love the courage of your mother or father, who keep hidden the pain of illness.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
Here is someone who should make me feel more secure, confident, important, significant and worthy than I am. Here is someone who should help me forget my inadequacy, isolation and sense of confusion. Here is someone who should help me to not feel so vulnerable.’ The narcissist might seek a trophy partner to achieve this; the dependent might seek a partner to hand over responsibility; and the control freak might seek someone to submit. To greater or lesser degrees, we all seek someone who makes us feel good and right about ourselves.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
You prefer to turn your face away from the cliff edge, from the terrifying and majestic landscape of creation, towards the small corner you have secured. There, you arrange and rearrange your achievements, gathering honours, successes and mementos, lining them up to display them to the passing world with pride.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
Every time your partner lets you down, they expose you to the truths of life. The uneasy truth is this: both of you are ordinary, fumbling and beautiful mortals.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
Excessive criticism proves to us, in the most primitive of ways, that we are achieving some kind of victory.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
Our relationships must not be the only well from which we draw the sustenance to find meaning and significance in life. They must not be the only place within which we encounter the divine. They must not be the only vessel within which we empty the anxieties and terrors of life.
We must draw from other sources. The qualities, inspirations, virtues, visions and imaginings from these other sources are poured over the angst of
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
. There is usually a tipping point where you realise that the primary purpose in the relationship or the marriage is no longer to love, but to serve your self-importance.
pinakini77
pinakini77has quoted4 years ago
I must acknowledge the seminal work of anthropologist Ernest Becker. Those familiar with his writings will see his influence throughout this book. Becker’s commentaries on life and death provide a compelling counterpoint to the
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
Love is more than just a reminder of our mortality; it exists because of it.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
We are physically vulnerable at all times because we are mortal and because illness, accident and death threaten us constantly. As a consequence, we are emotionally vulnerable; we are forever anxious and afraid. Our anxious vulnerability defines us.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
You will need courage to turn your face towards that which defines you, towards that which gives love its meaning, purpose and passion.
We repress and deny the fact that love is a consequence of our human vulnerability; a human vulnerability that is our emotional experience of the proximity of death to all of life.
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
The beauty of the world hath made me sad,
This beauty that will pass
Mariya Rafalovich
Mariya Rafalovichhas quoted4 years ago
Love is a passionate reflex of death. We love precisely because of death. Things are beautiful because of their transience—because they come to pass. Romantic passion is the urge to live in the face of death.
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