Kelly Oxford

Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar

”Well, she’s bitingly funny, but everybody knows that.” -Roger Ebert on Kelly Oxford The beautiful-and hilarious-Kelly Oxford has been one of the most hysterical voices on the Internet since it was still a series of tubes. In 1997, she began sharing stories of her life as a young wife and mother on a Geocities page, then on an anonymous blog, then on a MySpace account; eventually she found her métier in the widely-followed Tumblr blog “Eject” ( and in her raucous, often filthy, always hilarious Twitter feed (, which has garnered nearly 160,000 followers (adding 1,500 more each week), with frequent retweets from heavy-hitting fans such as Roger Ebert, Jessica Alba, Tony Hawk, Diablo Cody, Kevin Nealon, Susan Orlean, Ann Curry, Adam McKay, Mindy Kaling, and Jonathan Ames. There is no mistaking Kelly’s voice: Something people in McDonalds have? Fries. Something people in McDonalds don’t have? Ankles. When my dog smells someone’s crotch I say, “Sorry, she’s one of those cancer smelling dogs.” Had my son’s hearing tested because he’s always yelling. Turns out he’s just an asshole. ”She’s a total psycho” “Completely” “But I mean, I still like her” “Me too, she’s sweet” -two girls beside me, and everywhere, right now. Straight-talking and riotously funny, Kelly Oxford has garnered an incredible following through her trademark blend of biting wit, self-deprecation, and a knack for seeing the hilarity in the everyday. Now, Kelly has written a side-splitting book of essays that shine her blindingly sardonic light on life as she sees it. From childhood to motherhood, from the zany to the tearjerking, Kelly covers it all: • My Soldier Face: Or how I awkwardly broke into modeling by ignoring adults who thought I was weird • A Different Kind of Charity: One woman’s epic tale of working in a video shop with a robust porno section • An Open Letter to the Nurse Who Gave Me an Enema Bottle and Told Me to Do It Myself While I Was High on Morphine • Push: A raw account of reproduction in all its disgusting glory • What Did You Say About Your Sister’s Ass?: Bizarre sentiments from the mouths of children • And much, much more! Is Kelly the next David Sedaris? The next Chelsea Handler? The next Sloane Crosley? No, they were the last Kelly Oxford.
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