The abused man is in a “constant state of failure” with no encouragement or loving words from his abuser. Jeff said he felt beat down constantly by the words of his wife who never appreciated or encouraged him. Most of the men I have interviewed have said the same thing. The message they received, whether spoken or unspoken, was that they would never measure up and are just not good enough. Men in this predicament get the message that they never get anything right, and without their partner, they are nothing. These unrealistic expectations are expressed abusively in angry, harsh words and some abusers do this intentionally, while some do not realize they are doing it.