Intermezzo

, and I love you.

In a low voice Ivan answers: I love you too.

You don’t have to, he says. I would forgive you if you didn’t.

After a pause, Ivan replies: No, I do. Even though you annoy me a lot sometimes.

With a trembling laugh he looks up at the featureless sky. You annoy me too, Ivan, he says. It’s mutual

What can life be made to accommodate, what can one life hold inside itself without breaking.

Castration anxiety, Sylvia suggested. Joking or was she. Well, it’s true, I wouldn’t want to be a woman, he said. Who would? No offence, but the level of disrespect, I couldn’t take it. They were in her office then, she was sorting a batch of essays. Is that the sum total of your gender identity, she said, you’re just desperate for everyone to respect you? He said he would have to think about it. Then added: I mean, maybe.