Julie Sondra Decker

The Invisible Orientation

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A finalist for the 2015 LAMBDA Literary Award.What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.
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Quotes

  • Apollinariahas quoted2 years ago
    Asexuality isn’t something diagnosed by a blood test or MRI scan. [ . . . ] Definition of asexuality is ‘lack of sexual attraction,’ another one I’ve seen and like is ‘you’re asexual if you think the label fits and is useful for you.’ Neither of those are in any way something science can confirm. Both of those are something that each person knows for themselves.”

    Асексуальность - это не то, что диагностируется с помощью анализа крови или магнитно-резонансной томографии. [ ... ] Определение асексуальности - "отсутствие сексуального влечения", другое, которое я видел и которое мне нравится, - "вы асексуальны, если считаете, что этот ярлык подходит вам и полезен для вас". Ни то, ни другое наука никоим образом не может подтвердить. И то, и другое - это то, что каждый человек знает сам”.

  • Apollinariahas quoted2 years ago
    Again, orientation is not the same thing as behavior. There are asexual people who have lots of sex and asexual people who have no sex and asexual people in between, but they don’t become more or less asexual through their sexual experiences any more than a heterosexual person has to start identifying as bisexual or homosexual if they have a same-sex sexual experience
  • Apollinariahas quoted2 years ago
    The ones who have an average or even high sex drive generally still don’t find themselves aroused because of attraction to someone else

    Те, у кого среднее или даже высокое сексуальное влечение, как правило, все еще не испытывают возбуждения из-за влечения к кому-то другому

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