Elena Blackhas quoted6 years ago
The scene couldn’t have been more genuinely emotional. I usually kept my feelings locked up far, far away from the cameras, but this time my tears flowed freely. It was in that moment that I realized how much these two women meant to me and how only the three of us could ever know what this wild ride we had been on was truly like.
It wasn’t just the prospect of losing my two costars that made me feel so empty. I knew that even when I was the only girlfriend, there would always be visiting Playmates and Bunny House residents to keep me company. It was seeing these other two women evolve, in just the ways they should be evolving, that made me realize that there was so much more out there for me, too. I didn’t know what it was, but something had to feel more genuine and fulfilling than simply being the “first lady” Stepford Wife of the Playboy Mansion.
After our teary hugs good-bye, the cameras stopped rolling and I slowly walked down the hall to the master bedroom’s back door. My mind was reeling, my heart was hurting, and my stomach was tied in knots. What was I going to do now? I knew I’d be heading to Vegas in a few weeks to finish the last shoot for Jessica’s pictorial. Maybe having some time away from the mansion, without the cameras following me, I’d actually have a chance to think . . . and Las Vegas seemed like a good place to clear my head.

Anywhere than the place that holds bad memories is a good place to clear your mind. Even if it’s just a short amount of time, and by yourself. You learn a lot.

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