Nobody gives a damn about what I feel or believe. I thought she and I were clear about how we wanted to raise our kids. This time, I’m not backing down! How can she just toss something this important aside because she can’t stand to say no to her father?”
To David, as the newcomer, the issues seemed relatively simple. You just tell Norm something like “I respect your beliefs and I would appreciate it if you would do the same with us. I know it’s difficult for you, but you’re just going to have to accept that we’re going to raise our child the way we think is best.” And with a different kind of father-in-law and a different kind of partner, that would have established some appropriate boundaries. There might have been some discussion, some adult-to-adult airing of disappointments and resentments, but, ultimately, the subject would be closed. Not so, however, with a controlling parent and a still-compliant child.