Margo Burkovskahas quoted5 years ago
In systems based on domination one seeks for someone to blame for having created a conflict. One finds the guilty one(s), decides what punishment seems “fair” and then punishes the person (or group). This way of dealing with conflict is based upon the belief that people learn new behaviors best when they hate or feel really bad about themselves; when they feel guilt, shame or fear of punishment. This is a tragic way of creating change, since it seldom leads to reconciliation or cooperation. Many times it leads instead to more violence in the form of revenge. And if revenge is not appealing, violence can instead be turned inward, which can lead to depression and bitterness.
It is not possible to decide what kind of culture we are dealing with by determining if conflicts arise or not. The difference lies in the way one views conflicts and how one deals with them.
If the cultural norm says that conflict is a sign of abnormality or of somebody having done something wrong, we will hesitate to admit that we could benefit from mediation. This is because if we admit that we have a conflict, we admit that we are not perfect. In cultures that view conflicts as something natural that can be learned from, there is instead an interest in spending time and energy working with the conflicts. When conflicts arise in life-serving systems, they are dealt with by trying to under
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