The Art of Conversation

Conversation is the basis of the helping and healing professions, counselling, therapy, mentoring and coaching – highly skilled vocations where a good part of the skill lies in the ability to hold a simple conversation with subtlety and intuition

Mark Burnett once said, “I learned first hand that there would simply be no wars if people engaged in real conversation.”

magnetic resonance imaging, chaos theory

“The most influential of all educational factors is the conversation in a child's home,” asserted William Temple, inspirational Archbishop of Canterbury during World War II.

discourse, parley, colloquy …

To find the other person's positive intention, ask yourself:
What does the other person get out of this negative behaviour?
How are they interpreting this situation?
What matters to them in this? What does it do for them?
Which of their values may I be trampling on in this situation?

Stay open and real. Keep breathing! Of course you have emotions. You may be feeling fearful, angry, worried or upset. By recognizing those emotions, they lose their power to surprise you.

n catch the following habit: “Stop, breathe, speak low and slow”:
As soon as you start to rush, say firmly to yourself “Stop!”
Then relax your shoulders and body and take a good breath.
Then slow down and speak with a deeper voice.

Remember that any simple question or remark can move the conversation forward – for example, “How are you finding the conference?” or even a weather remark: “Great day for the conference isn't it?” or “Good to be inside on a rainy day like this, isn't it?”

Letting go of who you think you should be, you open the way for kindness to yourself and others and they connect with the real you without your mask. It means not numbing yourself against the bad, but staying aware, sensitive, open to feeling, even if you find yourself blushing with self-consciousness or trembling with fear. If vulnerability frightens you, know that it frightens everyone. Keep breathing and let time flow on.