Have you ever felt like ripping off your knickers, donning your kilt, drinking sixteen pints and becoming the latest recruit to the concatenation of chaos that is the Tartan Army, but have been ashamed to because of your lack of musical and lyrical knowledge? Fear not! Help is at hand. The songs and chats in this volume have been collected and culled both from the virgin footsoldiers and from the grizzled veterans of the Tartan Army's long war against sobriety, and are guaranteed to have no moral worth of any kind. No liver has gone unsacrificed in the search, especially the author's, and the work continues. There are plainsongs (and fancy ones), as well as sweet and sour ones and every nuance of flavour in between, but they all boil down to the (Completely Unofficial) slogan of the Tartan Army, which is: 'We'll support you evermore, f*** the score!'