Esther Perel

The State of Affairs

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  • Alexeyhas quoted6 years ago
    In our consumer society, novelty is key. The obsoleteness of objects is programmed in advance so that it ensures our desire to replace them. And the couple is indeed no exception to these trends. We live in a culture that continually lures us with the promise of something better, younger, perkier. Hence we no longer divorce because we’re unhappy; we divorce because we could be happier.
  • Maria José Sandovalhas quoted4 years ago
    Consensual nonmonogamy means that both partners have equal say in the decision to take unfulfilled hankerings elsewhere. In contrast, infidelity is a unilateral decision, in which one person secretly negotiates the best deal for themselves
  • Deni Omhas quoted5 years ago
    For me, infidelity includes one or more of these three constitutive elements: secrecy, sexual alchemy, and emotional involvement.
  • Ann Zakharovahas quoted6 years ago
    Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too has the taboo against it. It has been legislated, debated, politicized, and demonized throughout history. Yet despite its widespread denunciation, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So much so that it is the only sin that gets two commandments in the Bible, one for doing it and one just for thinking about it.
  • Ana Laurahas quoted2 years ago
    Affairs are a pathway to risk, danger, and the defiant energy of transgression.
  • Ana Laurahas quoted2 years ago
    Secrecy is the number one organizing principle of an infidelity
  • Ana Laurahas quoted2 years ago
    secrecy, sexual alchemy, and emotional involvement
  • Ana Laurahas quoted2 years ago
    At the core of betrayal today is a violation of trust: We expect our partner to act according to our shared set of assumptions, and we base our own behavior on that
  • Ana Laurahas quoted2 years ago
    How they metabolize the affair will shape the future of their relationship and their lives.
  • Daniela Orozcohas quoted3 years ago
    Some infidelities are petty rebellions, sparked by a sense of ennui, a desire for novelty, or the need to know one still has pulling power.
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