Introducing Assertiveness: A Practical Guide

seeking to have your own wishes met irrespective of the needs or wishes of others and without showing reasonable respect

behaviour which is characteristic of people who seek to avoid conflict or criticism.

if I act in the new way, I will have treated the other person with respect and won’t feel so bad afterwards, and that I am just as likely to achieve results.’

Principle (a) is also relevant because by acting in such an aggressive way I am not really respecting the feelings of the person I am talking to.’

make my complaint or request for action to resolve it promptly, but I will do so in a calmer manner and a calmer tone of voice.’

If you have a tendency to act too passively then focus in particular on the (a) statements in the above principles. You may find it helpful to memorize those and write them out on a card, or pin them on your wall or record them in your mobile phone to remind you of what to focus on. On the other hand, if you have a tendency to act too aggressively then memorize and note down the (b) statements above.

You may also not be showing respect to others, if your passivity involves you not telling the truth to others or not showing a reasonable level of trust.

You may also not be respecting yourself enough to believe that you can act reasonably.

standing up for your own rights whilst also acknowledging the rights and needs of others.

Say, ‘I like it – I think it goes quite well with these trousers. What is it you think it doesn’t match with?’