Susan Forward,Donna Frazier Glynn

Mothers Who Can't Love

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    b3050932783has quoted5 months ago
    If you were that little girl, the daughter of a mother who couldn’t give you the love you needed so much, it’s likely that much like Heather, you now go through your days with a cavernous gap in your confidence, a sense of emptiness and sadness. You’re never truly comfortable in your own skin. You may not trust your ability to love. And you can’t step fully into your life until you heal that gaping mother wound.
    Kathas quotedlast year
    the Freudian tradition of mother-bashing—blaming mothers for everything that goes wrong—is erroneous
    Kathas quotedlast year
    Most societies glorify mothers, as if the mere act of giving birth makes them inherently capable of nurturing
    Bianca Beltránhas quotedlast year
    “I was on a business trip to Wisconsin. I had been cooped up inside all day and I wanted to get some air. The sun was out, so at the lunch break, even though it was pretty cold outside, I decided to take a short walk. I looked for the sunniest spot I could find, but you know it was the damnedest thing—it sure looked like the sun and it was bright like the sun, but there was absolutely no warmth coming from it. And this wave of sadness came over me—the sun was just like my mother.”
    Pearl Shaizhas quotedlast year
    You’re never truly comfortable in your own skin. You may not trust your ability to love. And you can’t step fully into your life until you heal that gaping mother wound.

    Why I’m Writing This Book Now
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    For the control freak mother, keeping you locked in that power imbalance is key to her happiness and fulfillment
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    And you may know precisely how to make your mother happy but struggle to satisfy your own soul
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    You may feel criminal if you try to cancel a casual date with your mother so you can get a massage at the end of a grueling week. She has programmed you to believe that putting yourself first is a crime—and trying to skip brunch, spending time with your boyfriend, or being alone with your thoughts are major felonies
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    If I pull away from my mother, she’ll stop loving me and I can’t survive if that happens
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    When you believe that love means making the other person happy at all costs, then to love means giving up the right to your own desires. And
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    you’ve learned that you must earn love by giving other people what they want, like it or not, and taking your own needs and wants out of the equation
    akharynovahas quoted2 years ago
    if her dominant behavior engenders in her daughter a belief in her own value and nourishes her self-respect, confidence, and safety, that mother is doing a good job, whether she’s a wonderful mom or just good enough. She’s demonstrating real love, in a tangible, reliable way, to her child.
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    Please don’t forget, as we explore this difficult territory, that your own core is very different from your mother’s. The harmful behaviors you’ve learned from her and the pain you’ve carried with you for so long are not a permanent legacy. As I will remind you throughout this book, despite what she’s told you, you are the healthy one. You can change
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    they can successfully avoid responsibility for their own damaging behavior. They’re good at that, and because they rely on it to feel better, they have no reason to change
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    They lack two crucial elements for change—self-awareness and the ability to be introspective—which makes counseling all but a charade
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    The relationship between narcissism and paranoia hasn’t been fully explored. But when the narcissist takes one of your benevolent gestures as a deliberate attempt to embarrass her, you can feel the connection
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    Daughters resist accepting this. They keep hoping for the perfect words, the perfect gesture, that will let them hear the words “Thank you” and “I love you” from mothers who so rarely express real affection and gratitude
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    I’m sad to say that that’s highly unlikely. Narcissistic mothers are close to impossible to please
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    An adult daughter who longs for renewed closeness with her narcissistic mother frequently considers such alternatives and stalls at the threshold, clueless as to why she’s procrastinating on a high-profile project or putting on weight on the eve of an important appearance. The process isn’t rational, and for the most part, it’s not conscious
    Rapsoda CEhas quoted2 years ago
    Your success is also often a screen onto which she can project her fantasies about being young, desirable, capable, and talented
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