I Owe You One: A Novel

The trouble with me is, I can’t let things go

And now he’s back. The words are thudding through my head like a drumbeat—he’s back, he’s back—while I stand in Anna’s Accessories like a starstruck fourteen-year-old, frantically trying out hair clips. As though choosing exactly the right hair decoration will somehow magically make Ryan fall in love with me.

And as I survey the faces that I love so dearly, I feel a kind of contentment. So we’re not flash. So we’re not moneyed. So we don’t have all the answers or know exactly where we’re going. We’ll still be all right, our family. We’ll be all right.

I don’t take other women’s men, I just don’t. It’s the rule. It’s the sisterhood.

There’s only so long you can smile brightly at the man who has your heart but loves someone else. Already my mouth is starting to tremble.

“For what it’s worth, I think Drew’s a great guy,” I say. “But that’s kind of irrelevant. The point is if he’s the right guy. For you.”

I haven’t once winced or frowned or thought, He thinks what? So many guys seem great until you actually find out what’s inside their brain, whereupon you run for cover, panting, “Oh my God, lucky escape!” to yourself

“The rational part of my brain,” he says at last, “understands that everything is random. There are a million possibilities in the universe. Us meeting is just one of those possibilities, and just as meaningless.”
He sounds so matter-of-fact, I feel my heart droop a little. But then he carries on, in the same tone:
“The thing is, though, I can’t imagine a world that didn’t bring us together. We were meant to be.

“The law doesn’t always know what it’s doing,” he adds for good measure. “Humans have a far greater instinct for what’s right in life than lawyers do.”

The trouble is, I’m sorry doesn’t power anything. It drags you down.