Stone Butch Blues

The next time the cell door opens it will be me they drag out and chain spread-eagle to the bars.

Did I survive? I guess I did. But only because I knew I might get home to you.

In their own way, they loved me too. They protected me because they knew I wasn’t a “Saturday-night butch.” The weekend butches were scared of me because I was a stone he-she. If only they had known how powerless I really felt inside! But the older butches, they knew the whole road that lay ahead of me and they wished I didn’t have to go down it because it hurt so much.

I was real proud that in all those years I never hit another butch woman. See, I loved them too, and I understood their pain and their shame because I was so much like them. I loved the lines etched in their faces and hands and the curves of their work-weary shoul

ered Rocco sitting next to me. She reached forward and stroked my cheek. I touched my own face. Ifelt

“If you’re afraid to lose what you love, you’ll never be able to let go and feel it.

I emerged from behind the bar. It was the look on Theresa’s face that gave me the courage to raise my voice: You saw me standing alone. My voice cracked and pitched with embarrassment and emotion.

Theresa chewed her lower lip and cried.

Do-wah-do, my friends backed me up. Peaches stood behind me, waving the painted blue moon back and forth in a wide arc over my head.

But then you suddenly appeared before me, I extended my hand toward Theresa. And when I looked the moon had turned to gold! Peaches flipped the moon to the gold side. Everyone cheered. Peaches curtsied and continued swaying with the moon.

Theresa reached for me. I finished the song dancing in her arms.

I realized it was true, I wasn’t alone. I had love of my own.

can do to prove her love more than to risk looking foolish.

can do to prove her love more than to risk looking foolish.

“Well, I think it’s stupid.” He sounded like a kid. That’s when I knew I had really hurt him.

But if you don’t let your fears stop you, that’s bravery.”