Stone Butch Blues

“I feel like a ghost, Edna. Like I’ve been buried alive. As far as the world’s concerned, I was born the day I began to pass. I have no past, no loved ones, no memories, no me. No one really sees me or speaks to me or touches me.”

For the moment her arms protected me from my own life.

Her touch felt so good that tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks.

of a sudden, everything got real quiet. The cash registers stopped ringing and nobody moved. Everybody was staring at the jewelry department. There’s this couple—a he-she and a femme. All they were doing was looking at rings, you know?” Angie sat back and exhaled slowly. “Everyone was glaring at them. The pressure just popped those two women out the door like corks. I wanted to run out after them and beg them to take me

Angie glanced over at an older pro who was paying her check at the register. “You know,” she told me, “When I was a little girl I remember being in a restaurant with my mother and stepfather and I saw a woman who looked something like her.”

“Will you still respect me in the morning?” she demanded.

“Will you marry me?” I asked her.

We both laughed and hugged each other, but the sad thing is, I think we were each kind of serious

”

Angie shook her head. “It’s tough when you see it coming, ain’t it?”

“Yeah,” I said, “it’s like driving on a single-lane highway and seeing an eighteen-wheeler heading right for you

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said.

Angie looked at me and cocked her head. “You like tough women, don’t you, butch?” I smiled and stabbed my eggs with my fork

“Listen up now,” I pleaded, “this is serious.” “This ain’t serious, this is a drag show,” someone yelled.

“Yeah,” I said. “This is serious.” I realized what I wanted to say. ‘You know, all our lives they’ve told us the way we are isn’t right.”

I heard some murmurs, “Yeah!”

“Well, this is our home. We’re family.”

Strong to my enemies, tender to those I loved and respected. That’s what I wanted to be. Soon I would have to put these qualities to the test. But for the moment, I was happy.