You started out wanting to be a ‘high flyer’ but that didn’t work. Next, you decided to just be really good at a few things but sadly that didn’t work out either.
Next you decided to be mediocre and just bumble along through life but you soon came to realize that you couldn’t even do that well.
There is only one option left open to you: become completely useless; be really good at being bad. ‘How to Be a Complete Ass’ is crash course which will help you achieve your goals in next to no time at all.