The Courage To Be Disliked

Adlerian psychology is a form of thought, a philosophy that is diametrically opposed to nihilism.

a word, anger is a tool that can be taken out as needed.

of our experiences—the so-called trauma—but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.’

No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock

We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences.

But why does everyone feel they want to change? There’s only one answer: because they cannot change. If it were easy for people to change, they wouldn’t spend so much time wishing they could. No matter how much they wish it, people cannot change. And that’s why there are always so many people getting taken in by new religions and dubious self-help seminars, and any preaching on how everyone can change. Am I wrong?

They are protected by their parents and society, and can spend days free from care.

PHILOSOPHER: Yes. Many people think that the interpersonal relationship cards are held by the other person. That is why they wonder, How does that person feel about me?, and end up living in such a way as to satisfy the wishes of other people. But if they can grasp the separation of tasks, they will notice that they are holding all the cards. This is a new way of thinking.

PHILOSOPHER: Yes, that’s right. ‘Not wanting to be disliked’ is probably my task, but whether or not so-and-so dislikes me is the other person’s task. Even if there is a person who doesn’t think well of me, I cannot intervene in that. To borrow from the proverb I mentioned earlier, naturally one would make the effort to lead a horse to water. But whether he drinks or not is that person’s task.

PHILOSOPHER: As I have stated repeatedly, in Adlerian psychology, we think that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems. In other words, we seek release from interpersonal relationships. We seek to be free from interpersonal relationships. However, it is absolutely impossible to live all alone in the universe. In light of what we have discussed until now, the conclusion we reach regarding ‘what is freedom?’ should be clear.
YOUTH: What is it?
PHILOSOPHER: In short, that ‘freedom is being disliked by other people’.
YOUTH: Huh? What was that?
PHILOSOPHER: It’s that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.