The Chimp Paradox

The more you rehearse things, the more they become automatic, robust and quick.

There are no medals for those who continually say ‘yes’ and then get upset by it.

• Saying ‘no’ is the appropriate response of an adult who is respecting his or her own exhaustibility or boundaries.
• Saying ‘no’ is a powerful thing to do by a balanced person.
• People who are realistic will accept being turned down and appreciate that you have the right to say ’no’.

1. Life is not fair.
2. The goal posts move.
3. There are no guarantees.

Worrying about decisions and not making them

It is about accepting and working with the drive.

With the eating drive, for example, you have to accept the Chimp wants to eat and you are always going to have that drive and associated emotions.

The Chimp’s drives won’t change but its behaviours can

Part of the problem is that most people don’t realise that the Chimp is merely making an offer and not a command. You do not have to follow your emotions; you have a choice.

If Amy doesn’t understand how her mind works she ends up beating herself up and feeling bad about it. If she understands how her mind works then we have a very different scenario and interpretation. What really happened, and how it could have been interpreted more accurately, is as follows.