Shatter Me Novella #4

Her eyes are big and bright and she’s staring at me like she’s just a girl and I’m just a guy and we’re not both just a pair of dumbasses headed directly for the sun.

“Okay, I’m sorry—you’re not insane—but twenty minutes ago you were accusing me of being in love with my best friend, so, to be fair, I think my feelings are warranted.”

“You were looking at her like you were in love with her!”

“Jesus Christ, woman, I look at you like I’m in love with you!”

“I— Wait. What?”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Nothing. Never mind. I have to go.”

And when you’re that worried,” Sara says, “when you’re that scared, extreme levels of stress can badly injure our
immune systems.”

Huh. I guess that means my immune system is screwed for life

Jesus Christ, woman, I look at you like I’m in love with you!”

“Because,” she says quietly, “I think you might be the best person I’ve ever met.”

I promise. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to kick you that hard.”

“I’ve always avoided doing things I know I’ll be bad at,” she says. “And with this— Relationships? Physical intimacy? I just . . . don’t. Ever. With anyone. It’s too messy. Too confusing. There’s too much code, too much garbage to filter and decipher. Besides, most of the people I meet are either assholes or cowards or both. They’re rarely genuine. They never say what they’re really thinking. And they all lie to my face.” She sighs. “Except for you, of course.”

but I have no idea how to properly reciprocate positive emotion.

“I gave you a slightly stronger dose of that drug because I was so worried you’d wake up on the plane and get yourself
murdered,” she says. “I was in your room tonight because I wanted to make sure you were okay, but when you woke up I got nervous and disappeared. And then you started talking, and the things you said were so beautiful that I just”—she shakes her head—“I don’t know. The truth is, I don’t have an excuse. I stayed because I wanted to stay. I stayed and I watched you like a creep, and when you caught me I was so mortified I nearly killed you for it.”

“No.” She hangs her head. “I’ve been trying to show you I care.”