Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

great quote from the movie Almost Famous that says, “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.”

If you don’t feel comfortable owning it, then don’t say it.

When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.

Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.

When I asked a large group of eighth graders to break into small teams and come up with the differences between fitting in and belonging, their answers floored me:
Belonging is being somewhere where you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere where you really want to be, but they don’t care one way or the other.
Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.
I get to be me if I belong. I have to be like you to fit in.

In businesses, schools, faith communities—any system, even families—we can tell a lot about how people engage with vulnerability by observing how often and how openly you hear people saying:
• I don’t know.
• I need help.
• I’d like to give it a shot.
• It’s important to me.
• I disagree—can we talk about it?
• It didn’t work, but I learned a lot.
• Yes, I did it.
• Here’s what I need.
• Here’s how I feel.
• I’d like some feedback.
• Can I get your take on this?
• What can I do better next time?
• Can you teach me how to do this?
• I played a part in that.
• I accept responsibility for that.
• I’m here for you.
• I want to help.
• Let’s move on.
• I’m sorry.
• That means a lot to me.

We should remember, though, that victory is not getting good feedback, avoiding giving difficult feedback, or avoiding the need for feedback. Instead it’s taking off the armor, showing up, and engaging.

I always tell my students, “If you’re comfortable, I’m not teaching and you’re not learning. It’s going to get uncomfortable in here and that’s okay. It’s normal and it’s part of the process.”

I do want to live by my values and it’s okay to be imperfect and make mistakes in this house. We just need to make it right when we can.

In her book The Life Organizer, Louden writes, “Shadow comforts can take any form. It’s not what you do; it’s why you do it that makes the difference.