Stop People Pleasing

We allow friends, employers, and significant others—not ourselves—decide how valuable we are.

But when a child does something to irritate or anger them, a parent or guardian might express disapproval, possibly through punishment. We then understand their love as conditional. If we don’t behave how our parents want, we sense they’re rejecting us. We may perceive them as being emotionally unavailable or at best only occasionally available.

People-pleasers promise to do everything for anyone—even if they hate it or are lying

A people-pleaser is worried about rejection. They have a need, as we all do, to be accepted and treasured—to be loved.

you expect yourself to be the perfect parent, child, sibling, friend, neighbor, and colleague all rolled into one, never upsetting anybody or messing up any of those relationships, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll be bound to feel like you’re never enough, because the reality is that no single person can be everything to everyone.

To get unstuck in that destructive pattern, start treating yourself with more compassion and kindness. Try to be a good friend to yourself. Instead of being the first to blame yourself for every mistake or disapproval from others, be gentle with yourself. Remember that you’re allowed to mess up, that you’re not responsible for others’ happiness, and, most importantly, that you’re allowed to put yourself first.

If we please someone over and over again, we figure they’d love and accept us for all that we do for them.

All these actions and behaviors are symptoms of codependency, and it directly feeds into why some of us are relentless people-pleasers. We fear letting them down and try everything we can to make them happy so they’ll continue to like us.

Codependency. This is another common cause for people-pleasing. Codependency is when you are excessively dependent on someone else

You try to be what others desire you to be.

You worry about troubling or irritating other people.