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Karyl McBride

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

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  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    Setting clear boundaries and discussing those boundaries are part of being authentic with the people we care about.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    Setting boundaries when hurtful things are said to you is important as well. To maintain an authentic friendship, you have to be able to respond to an offensive statement or action with, “That was hurtful to me.”
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    If one friend is always the giver and one friend is always the taker, the relationship is either dependent or codependent.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    If he is ever misguided and tells you that you are acting “just like your mother,” gently tell him never to say that again.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    Let him know in the very beginning that your trust was impaired in early childhood and that trust is a lifelong recovery issue for you. Continue to work on trust issues without projecting them onto him.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    It is not your children’s job to meet your needs. It is your job to meet theirs.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    I recently observed a mother tell her crying child, “We don’t cry. People don’t like sad children.” The child quickly clammed up. It was obvious that this was a familiar message to her. The danger in doing this with children is that it teaches them to deny their feelings, sacrifice their true selves, and adopt an “image” that is acceptable to the parent. Guard against this in your communications with your children. If you pressure them to put on a facade, you leave them no choice but to believe that their true selves are unacceptable.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    Don’t pass the image focus on to your kids. They can be appropriate and real as well as assertive and respectful of others and their boundaries. It is okay to be who you are even if some people prefer something else. Not everyone has to like you or your children.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    Give them credit where credit is due whenever they realize their goals or visions. Let them know that you are very proud of what they have done and that you will also love them just as much if they do not become CEOs or star basketball players.
  • staselhas quoted2 years ago
    Don’t define them by what they do (my son the soccer player, my daughter the ballet dancer). If you allow your children’s self-esteem to be centered on their accomplishments, you are setting up another generation of achievement-dependent narcissists who have to be “stars” to feel good about themselves.
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