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Emily NagoskiEmily Nagoski
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The official bio is:"Emily Nagoski has a PhD in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She has taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education."What all that means, really, is that I am here to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. It's a small goal in the grand scheme of things - I'm not trying to bring peace to the Middle East or repair the ozone layer - but it's a goal that I think truly does have the power to change lives and, ultimately, the world.You can find me online: Twitter @enagoski Facebook Emily NagoskiMedium @emilynagoskiBlog
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It doesn’t help either you or your Feels if you shove them in your partner’s face and say, “ACCEPT THIS!” How would you respond if your partner did that to you? Unless you’re a saint of unrivaled patience and tolerance, you would get defensive—and fair enough. Shoving your Feels in your partner’s face is using your feelings as a weapon, and that’s never okay
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Expecting (anticipating), eagerness (wanting), and enjoying (liking) are separate functions in your brain. You can want without liking (craving), anticipate without wanting (dread), or any other combination.
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But suppose the stressor is one that your brain determines you can’t survive by escaping and you can’t survive by conquering—you feel the teeth of the lion bite into you from behind. This is when you get the brakes stress response—the parasympathetic nervous system, the “STOP!” activated by the most extreme distress. Your body shuts down; you may even experience “tonic immobility,” where you can’t move, or can move only sluggishly. Animals in the wild freeze and fall to the ground as a last-ditch effort to convince a predator they’re already dead; Stephen Porges has hypothesized that freeze is a stress response that facilitates a painless death.1
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