Hammer

Another reason for controlling feelings is the fear that being emotionally involved with others could lead to being taken advantage of by those who recognize his neediness and emotional insecurity. Therefore, the person relates to others very superficially, deceptively, and artificially, rather than intimately, genuinely, and intensely.

Relationships with others are fundamentally battles to be won

then you insist on the signs and symbols of affection more than real affection. You care more about being given certain words and performances, which to you are “proofs” of love or being highly valued,

than you do about what the other person is really feeling toward you. Because at some deep level you are convinced that you are unlovable, which implies being viewed by others as worthless, you demand constant overt demonstrations of whatever connotes signs of love to you. You do not trust your own feelings to intuitively and empathically recognize the presence, or distinctive energy vibration, of true love, so you insist on receiving demonstrable proof that you are loved. For example, you demand that the other person make constant sacrifices on your behalf. If the person values money, then he or she should spend it on you instead of something else. If time or career is valuable, then you insist that the person should spend more time with you, and less time on the things that bring him prosperity, relaxation, pleasure, and fulfillment. You are in constant competition with everything and everyone that your loved one values. You need the person to tell you constantly that he or she loves you, and every occasion

By turning away from your own negative feelings about yourself, you have conditioned yourself to be insensitive to the actual experiential truth of yourself, and have, in the same way, dulled your empathic sensitivities toward others

empathic sensitivities toward others. Consequently, you are not able to perceive and feel the other person’s loving feelings toward you, and, therefore, you can never feel really secure in the relationship. The only way you can really be certain that you are loved is not through the symbols that you are given

yet the uttering is not the loving), but only by your direct experience of the other person’s energy of deeply invested, sincerely caring warmth and love for you.

f one holds to the importance of a deeply caring, substantial, relationshi

own. It is to grant the other person the right to have interests and needs of their own apart from yours, and perhaps even

Respect means that you do not attempt to “own” the other person as if he or she were a possession of yours.