Mike Bechtle

book called Everything Men Know about Women.

book called Everything Men Know about Women.

I’m an introvert, but a noisy one.

I’m an introvert, but a noisy one. I talk for a living and am surrounded by people all day, every day. But when I’m around people, I’m using up energy. I enjoy being with them but find myself running out of steam the longer we’re talking. At a certain point, I have to pull away by myself to recharge

introverts think before speaking, and extroverts think by speaking.

These men can seem like they’re saying, “The sky is falling!” because of their approach. They’re rehearsing everything that could possibly go wrong and could easily spiral downward into negative patterns of thinking. It’s easy for a woman to become a rescuer in this situation because she’s worried about his downward-spiraling, irrational thoughts.

In this case, his thoughts are being formed as he speaks. They haven’t been shaped over time. They’re impulsive ideas or even dreams that are expressed the moment they form in his head, and he might state them as though he’s committed to whatever he said. Be careful not to let him drag you down emotionally, and don’t immediately use logic to counter his arguments when he’s feeling that strong emotion. That type of approach focuses on issues instead of relationship and drives

That type of approach focuses on issues instead of relationship and drives him to think of more reasons to justify his thinking.

Listen empathetically, and focus more on what he’s feeling and expressing than on sorting out the validity of what he’s saying. Skip the actual issues until a more neutral time, and just say, “It sounds like you’re really feeling concerned about this whole thing . . . am I right?”

If you lead with your heart, you’ll mess with his head. If you lead with your head, you’ll speak to his heart.

Here are a few simple strategies that provide safety for a man during conflict:

Don’t back him into a corner and force him to express what he’s feeling. Give him space to process and he’ll usually let you in.

Be concise when talking during conflict. If there are too many words, a man feels overwhelmed and can’t focus. He feels like he’s in a foxhole and there are shots being fired from