Tara Schuster

You can’t control how the outside world treats you, but you can and must decide how you treat yourself

We get this one human body, and whether you hate it or love it, it’s yours. Any time spent feeling uncomfortable or ashamed of it, past adolescence, is absolutely wasted.

Virginia Woolf wrote about the importance of making space for yourself in A Room of One’s Own. Though written in 1929, her words are just as urgent today. Her most quoted passage is probably that in order to create, in order to pursue her own passions, “a woman must have money and a room of her own,” free from distraction and judgment.

The afternoon after my twenty-fifth birthday I knew I had to change my life. My past had shaped me into this mess in Spanx with no standards and no core. I was super good at surviving but super terrible at living

Over time, I had turned that fear of failing into a kind of pride. It wasn’t that I couldn’t work out, it was that I was sooo above it.

I tend to write out my feelings when I need to express them. My sister has received plenty of letters and texts describing my feels (sorry, Diana). My boss has also received plenty of emails detailing my grievances (sorry, Boss). My letters help me say what I mean without going off topic, without chickening out, without breaking into tears. (Well…sometimes I still break into tears. It can’t be helped; I’m a total crier.)

hat I learned from Kate and Professor Laurie is that there’s no point in seeking false idols. Do not look for the approval of someone you think will make you approve of yourself. Approve of yourself first, just as you are (see the last chapter, and Bridget Jones), and if you need support from others, trust the people who are in your corner. These are not always the people you desperately want in your corner. These are not always the people you wish treated your ideas with care. These are not the people about whom you think, Well, maybe they’ll come through this time. Fingers crossed! These are the people who actually show up for you.

I have my “Road Warriors” list. These are people of all ages who have been in similar career situations to my own. These are people I turn to when I need advice or am seeking feedback. They tend to be people who don’t tell me what to do, but instead ask me excellent questions that help guide me.

And then I have my “ABSOLUTELY NOT/ARE YOU CRAZY?” list. These are people who might be wonderful, they might even love me, they might be my actual family, but, historically, they will say something snide or dismissive about my ideas and I just can’t go there anymore.

Do you need someone to treat you gently, or someone to offer guidance on how best to display your precious dried meat? If you need inspiration to get started, go to your Hype Men. If you are looking for feedback on the packaging, go to your Road Warriors. If you don’t want to feel bad about yourself, stay the fuck away from your ABSOLUTELY NOT list.