Neil

“ A mistake will not be the end of the world because I won’t let it be. I will pick myself up and will try again—regardless of how embarrassed or hurt I feel.”

Every path, every role, and every job in life has some difficulties. There are no perfect paths. Just because you find more work and problems on your path than you anticipated doesn’t mean that you made a wrong choice or a mistake!

The ability to rapidly correct an error involves taking responsibility for the solution, but first you must let go of what I call the “why-whine”—“Why did this happen to me? Why am I always the one who gets the tough jobs? Why can’t I learn to do things right? Why must I put up with so many jerks?” This is another form of the “should’s” and “shouldn’t’s” that delay your acknowledging the reality of your situation (regardless of how unpleasant), correcting it, lessening the difficulty, and avoiding it in the future.

Being a champion—a consistent producer—requires that you forgive yourself for errors and losing streaks while maintaining the sense of inner worth and safety necessary to solve problems and pursue your goals.

Sticking with the mission while adjusting to negative feedback is an essential skill in the repertoire of the long-term performer.

Suzanne Kobasa, a professor at City University of New York, has identified what she calls “hardiness,” a constellation of three personality characteristics—commitment, control, and challenge.

The more often David told Karen how important it was for her to be on time, the more she felt like a child being pressured by an angry parent or teacher. The more critical David was, the more she felt miserable, guilty, and confused about what to do. Within six months of meeting David, Karen, who had once run her own life effectively and successfully, had become a fumbling child about everyday chores such as balancing the checkbook, remembering to fill the gas tank, and keeping track of appointments.
David unknowingly had fallen into the role of the authoritarian who echoes the “should’s” and “have to’s” of life.

They also learned to assert their individual needs while respecting the other’s values, becoming more interested in results than in blame or control.